Monday, September 24, 2007

Lucid Barely Awake Rambling!

As long as I can remember, I've nightmares when stressed out. They would be so bad sometimes that my doctor put me on medication, saying they were night terrors, and night terrors can cause apnea, which is true because having a panic attack while asleep usually results in trying to swallow the pillow. Not sure whether that qualifies as apnea or not, but I'd still rather not experience it.

I had one last night, sort of, but I really think it was this morning. It left me with a really small, futile feeling, and since my dreams are in a bastard Russian/German, left me very confused too, since some words don't match up and are just gibberish.

My dad stayed for the weekend, and I love him so much that it aches, but my parents make me so mad sometimes, and whenever he stays over it gets worse. I don't understand how a Southern Baptist and a Catholic could master Jewish guilt, but they have, and if they were ganging up on me rather than trying to form camps against each other in the household, it wouldn't be so mind-numbingly irritating.

We had a fight before he left, immediately before he left, so of course he had to die in my dream, and of course every past romantic companion (or futile current ones) had to be there and do something to make me end up killed.

It left me all wanky and stupid when I woke up, and due to impeccable Annie Logic, angry at the people who spited me in the dream, and really missing my dad.

As a rule in general, I have to check behind the shower curtain as I enter any bathroom that has one. I also don't like stairs or parking lots at night, because of that old urban legend about having one's Achilles Tendon slashed. It's just a part of me, that misplaced caution.

I don't think that counts though, when after waking up you kick a coat off the bed because its black and nebulous and foreboding, or scream at a shirt on a hanger because in the dark of just exiting a brightly lit bathroom, it looks like a zombie about to lurch out at you.

Dammit. Tonight I'm going to be sleeping with the door open and the hall night light on tonight.

Anyway, back to my interweb hiatus. Here's some LOLckey Horror to keep you company. http://www.ee0r.com/lolckyhorror/index.html

No comments: